I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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