He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
