I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
