Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
