There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
