I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
