Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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