Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He passed out mid-signature
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
