never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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