This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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