You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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