i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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