he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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