my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
