so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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