respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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