There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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