if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
