Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
