Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hippo gnu deer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
