This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
