and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
