Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
