Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
