i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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