I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
