She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
