I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
