You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
