my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
