dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
