Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
