i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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