I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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