the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
