Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
