The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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