We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
