she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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