he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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