in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
smell my finger.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
