No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
