I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
