Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
