I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
