She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
