we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
