Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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