It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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