I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
