I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I met the friendliest cop last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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