Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
