Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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