You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
