I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Four minutes until I can fart!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
