Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
