When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
