last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
