So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
