Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
