either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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