I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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