Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
