He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
