You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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