I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
