Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
