I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
