definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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