Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
