Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
