Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
