halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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