OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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