I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
