Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
