somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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