My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
