apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
