my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
