My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
