Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
