I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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