No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
