Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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