Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
