im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
