my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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