I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
