How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
