youre lurking in front of me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Found your dick twin last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
