Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
