Who did Billy Mays play for?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
