No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
