I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
