Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize