Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
