Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
