Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
