I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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