Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
