you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
