If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
