I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he was CRYING into my vagina
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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