I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is Oprah even human
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
