used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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