Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
