omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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