my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they need to just BURY HIM!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
